How Can I Convince My Partner to Get a Hearing Test?

Our medical columnist shares strategies for convincing stubborn loved ones that they may need a hearing aid

Adam Rosenbluth, M.D.,

AARP

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Published July 01, 2024

gif of a couple at a table, one using a megaphone because the other has trouble hearing

James Yates

I’ve noticed my partner can’t hear very well, both at home and when we’re out. When I indicate concern, he just says, “You’re mumbling.” How can I convince him to get tested?

I’d begin by asking your partner if he hears other people clearly. If he responds with something like “Yes, I go to the office all day and hear everyone else,” then maybe he really can’t hear you when you’re talking. There are some people who really do mumble or are what I call “low talkers.” And sometimes at home, we try to talk to someone in another room and they aren’t listening. It’s a two-way street. If somebody says, “My partner cannot hear me,” there are things that both of you can do to fix that.

I suggest you try engaging intentionally. By that, I mean to look your partner in the eyes and be clear with your message. This is a technique my wife and I use. For example, she’ll say “Adam, I have something important to tell you.” Now she’s got my attention and continues. “We have dinner tomorrow night at 7 p.m. You cannot be late.” I’ll say, “All right. I’ve heard you.”

AARP members can take the National Hearing Test for free once a year. The National Hearing Test is an independent and scientifically validated hearing screen test developed with funding from the National Institutes of Health (NIH). Find out more about the free at-home hearing test.

On the other hand, your partner might very well be hard of hearing. About 1 in 3 people ages 65 to 74 and nearly half of those over 75 have diminished hearing. The reason some people get angry when you ask about their hearing is because they’re embarrassed. They’re upset. They feel like this is them getting older. So it’s important to approach your partner in a context that he might appreciate.

If I was speaking to my dad when he was alive and practicing medicine, I might say, “Pop, I’ll try to do a better job of not mumbling. However, I’m really worried about you in the office. God forbid you miss something.” That shows him that I’m going to work on the problem he identified and motivates him to get his hearing tested because he would never want something bad to happen at work.

Hearing tests are really important because we know for a fact that people who can’t hear well often become disengaged. Lack of hearing can turn into isolation.

It can increase feelings of anxiety and depression. It can affect your balance, which can lead to an increased risk of falling. And the risk of dementia rises. You can end by saying, “For all these reasons and because I want us to stay engaged with each other, I’d like you to get a hearing test.”

Every single piece of data says that if hearing aids are going to be helpful, the earlier and younger you start with them, the more effective your experience will be. When patients in their 50s and 60s tell me they have hearing loss, I encourage them to get a hearing device right away.

People with mild to moderate hearing loss can use new over-the-counter hearing aids. There are even devices that hook up to your cellphone.

Some you can’t even see. You can have so much fun with these things. They’re super cool. I got my 90-year-old mom a hearing device over the internet. It wasn’t expensive, and it’s the greatest thing. She’s doing well with it.

I’m glad you’re willing to talk with your partner about his hearing. You don’t want to miss out on engaging with him, whether it’s small talk or big issue discussions. When you address your partner’s hearing issue with empathy and facts, he’ll more likely be able to hear what you’re saying.

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